ouch.

     Have you ever heard a bone break? Something like a sick, cracking sound as particles that were one become separate. A substance that was once bound together as a strong, supportive force begins to crumble, the weight it sustained crashing along with it. And then sharp, searing pain. Then, you know, a cast. Months of healing. Time to allow the bone to fuse together. Time to allow new growth.
Sometimes you don't even know it's broken. Sometimes, you have to have it examined over and over again to determine if it really is.

I was thinking about how the end of a relationship is like a bone breaking. Maybe sharp and unexpected, maybe a calculated cost of an action, maybe only that at some point, it would happen. It just would.

It just did.

Only the pain wasn't unbearable in that moment. It wasn't the actual breaking. It is the months of healing ahead. The disuse of some part of me so familiar.

Yet, the how necessary dysfunction of it now.

How I have to laugh at myself. Me, sitting there amid the rubble in my heart.
Laughing at my silly analogies of breaking bones, laughing at my silly attempts to describe a sharp pang of a kind of failure in my heart, laughing at me laughing at myself.

But not really laughing. Actually just kind of sad about the whole ordeal.

But anticipating that new growth and healing that broken brings after it.